


Suddenly, I Lose My Fear

by willowisp (Dynatillo)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: But Catra is learning to manage her emotions!, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra)-centric, Everybody could use some therapy, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Porn with Feelings, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Sex, Sexual Tension, Smut, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, all characters 18+, catradora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24335059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dynatillo/pseuds/willowisp
Summary: Set straight after the show, the survivors of the final battle return to Castle Brightmoon as the dust settles. Catra worries that her emotions are never going to let her be happy, but she finds solace in her friends. The last of the tension between Adora and Catra finally unravels.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 535





	Suddenly, I Lose My Fear

**Author's Note:**

> People seemed to like my last catradora fic, and the series finale was so good i couldn't help but write another one! I think i've gotten a bit better at writing since then too! XD

_You're the only one who knows the way I really feel,  
Now it's really clear to me  
You could do a little damage, you could cut me deeper._

_I feel guilty, I feel nervous, I feel certain now  
Maybe, maybe you can reach me. _

* * *

The urge to run hadn’t left, and Catra was scared it might never go away. Wasn’t everything okay now? Horde Prime was gone, and the magic of Etheria was free. The day was won.  
But still Catra felt waves of crushing doubt, as though each individual atom of her body was on fire, telling her to leave. To let them all celebrate in peace.

She sat hunched by a waning campfire, stroking Melog’s head. The creature chittered and purred. Catra gazed out from their party’s cliffside camp, over the whispering woods, to the spires of Brightmoon. They would reach it today, and their short trek home after the final battle would be over… and then what?

 _Home,_ thought Catra. What a strange idea, to be looking forward to arriving in Brightmoon, and not as a conqueror, but by Adora’s side. But that was it, wasn’t it? Wherever Adora was, that was home. Catra felt her fear start to burn away in the morning light, and she breathed deeply, the scent of distant flowers on the air.

“Need some company, stranger?”

Catra froze, but the instinctive reaction fizzled, and she relaxed. “Hey, Adora.”

“Can I come sit?”

Catra smiled. “Stupid question.”

Adora sat in the dewy grass next to the embers and picked a stalk of grass to chew. She stared at Catra. “What is it?” Catra asked. 

“Nothing,” Adora smiled. “I just still can’t believe it. You said you love me.”

Catra went red in the face. “Well, what else was I supposed to say? You’re not so great at putting two and two together!”

Adora lay back and ignored the irate cat-girl, still smiling. “You love me,” she said again, and then she opened her eyes and Catra’s breath caught in her throat, waiting for the next line. “And I love you,” Adora said.

They sat in silence for a moment. 

“I know what you mean,” Catra said eventually. “It doesn’t really seem real after wanting it for so long.”

“Yeah,” Adora agreed, sitting up. “Look—I’m sorry. Part of me always knew. And I need you to know that I really do feel the same way. But you’re right.” Adora sighed. “It took too long for me to put two and two together,” Adora admitted ruefully.

Catra snorted. “Any longer and we really would have been in trouble.”

Adora shuffled closer and pulled Catra close, gently, holding her from behind. “Thank you. For not giving up on me.”

“Don’t mention it,” Catra said. “And—I guess—thank you too. For the same reason.”

Catra could feel Adora’s breath on her neck. She swallowed, and turned in place to find those misty grey eyes. 

“A- Adora,” Catra started, but Adora pulled her closer and stopped her with a kiss. 

The sun broke a layer of cloud behind them, and Catra felt warmth wash over her from her tail to the tips of her ears.

But somewhere behind the joy, Catra still felt guilty. She didn’t know why.

“What’s wrong?” Adora said, pulling away.

“Nothing!” Catra stammered. “Nothing.”

Adora raised an eyebrow. “No secrets!” she said. “You promised.”

Melog whined as Catra summoned the courage to tell the truth. “I don’t know,” she said. “I still just feel like I’m gonna mess this up, somehow. It’s all too good to be true. I don’t deserve you.” 

Catra paused, because she could tell Adora wanted to speak, but she didn’t say anything, still waiting for Catra to finish her thought. “I think it’s gonna take a while for everything to sink in. So much has happened, I’ve barely started talking to Scorpia again, and I haven’t even really started to think about what Shadow Weaver did. I just keep hoping that… that I’m the normal amount of messed up by all of this. But then I look around at your friends and everyone just seems… happy.”

“They’re your friends too,” Adora said. “But I think you’re right—it will take a long time for everything to sink in. For everyone. In some ways, I think you’re ahead of the curve. Like Glimmer and her Dad… they’ve got a lot to go through together. It might take years.”

“And that’s my fault too,” Catra said glumly. “If it wasn’t for me-”

“We don’t blame each other for anything that happened,” Adora said firmly. “Hordak wanted that portal built more than you did. Besides, Angella might still be out there, trapped between dimensions. And you could help us find her!”

Catra nodded. “I guess. Where is Hordak?”

“I haven’t seen him. But don’t deflect! You do deserve me. And I think I’m a pretty good judge of that.”

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'll stop beating myself up so much." Catra groaned. “I can’t believe I stopped us kissing for this.”

“Well, do you wanna start again?” Adora laughed.

“Yeah,” Catra said. “I think I do.”

This time, Adora got zealous, and pushed Catra squirming into the wet grass. “Adora!” Catra yelped, voice cracking.

They giggled, Adora pecking Catra’s nose, and forehead, and cheeks. Catra struggled under her. Adora’s breathing quickened. Catra’s heart raced so fast she thought she might pass out.

The flap of a tent nearby whipped open, and the pair scrambled away from each other, as though nothing was happening. Bow clambered out, yawned, and stared at them. 

“What are you looking at?” Catra blurted.

Bow shook his head. “It’s too early in the morning for this,” he said, and wandered off. 

Adora jumped up and pulled her jacket back on, reaching out a hand to help Catra up. Catra batted the hand away. They smirked at each other, and the camp started to wake up around them. Glimmer apparated between them. “Good morning!” she said. “Who wants breakfast?”

Adora followed her toward the makeshift cafeteria that their party had built. Catra knew Adora would invariably go wherever food was, but deep down she felt a little pang of abandonment. It drove tiny hooks into her.

Melog rubbed around her ankles, and Catra scratched their head. _Don’t be stupid,_ she told herself. 

Adora wasn’t going to leave. But Catra was finding taking her feelings seriously was hard work. The pair did not have the chance to speak again until they arrived in Brightmoon.

* * *

“We’re here!” Glimmer vanished from the edge of the woods and appeared at Castle Brightmoon’s gates. She looked up at the ruins with deeply tangled feelings. “Wow,” she said. “They really did a number on this place.”

Her father led the others across the grounds. “We can rebuild it,” he told her. “It's just a pile of stones. What’s important is that we have each other.”

Glimmer clutched his arm. “I know.” She turned to the party behind them. “Well, we’re here,” she said, half-heartedly launching into a speech. “Thank you for choosing to come back here with me. I know you all have places to be, and people you want to see.” A small crowd of the other princesses who’d returned from the final battle stopped to listen. “We may have defeated Horde Prime, but before we can do anything else, we have to pick up the pieces of what’s left. I promise you that as soon as we’ve made contact with the other major cities across Etheria, we can get you all home.”

There was no applause, but a sense of mutual appreciation settled over the group. Most of the Princess Alliance had come to help Glimmer get Brightmoon up and running again, and begin the process of helping refugees of the war find new homes.

The group made their way into the empty halls, re-inhabiting the once pristine corridors. The magic of Etheria had swallowed this city in flora, too.

“Dad!” Glimmer pulled her father aside. 

“What is it sweetheart?”

“I wanted to talk to you about the throne. I know this all so sudden, but—you’ll take it back, won’t you? Honestly... I still don’t think I’m ready to be queen.”

He smiled. “I heard you and your friends talking. Intergalactic road trip, huh?”

“Well, yeah,” Glimmer admitted. “There’s that, too.”

King Micah held her hands. “You don’t need to worry about it. You’ve done enough for now.”

“So you’ll be king again?”

“No,” he said, looking up at the tattered remains of a banner that had once displayed an image of the late Queen Angella. “No,” he said again. “I can’t do it either. Not alone.”

“Dad…” Glimmer started. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. And I’m not saying you can’t go—I just think there’s a better alternative than me being in charge by myself. The idea makes me feel too similar to how it felt with Horde Prime in my head.” He shook his head. "Power is a strange thing."

Glimmer hugged him. “I trust you.” She started to leave.

“Wait. Glimmer,” he said. “You really think she might be out there somewhere?”

Glimmer wiped away a tear. “We have to look to find out, don’t we?”

* * *

“Where’s Adora?” Catra tapped Bow on the shoulder as he dragged a bed from one room to another. 

“Huh? Oh, Catra! She’s probably getting ready for tonight.”

“Tonight?” Catra lounged on the bed. Bow didn’t even notice, and it bumped over the threshold into the bare room he was furnishing. “What’s tonight?”

“A party. Well, only a little one.”

“Like Princess Prom?”

“Much smaller than that. More like a dinner.” He dropped the bed and stood up and sighed at her. “I guess I need to find you a room too,” he said. “Follow me,” he told her. 

“Hey, what are you doing moving all this stuff around?”

“Well, this place is a dump now, and someone has to make sure everyone else has a place to actually sleep.”

Catra cocked her head. “And the others aren’t helping?”

“It’s no big deal,” Bow told her. “The others probably haven’t even thought of it yet. I don’t want to bother them. Everyone’s been through a lot.”

Catra deliberated. “Can I help?” she said. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”

Bow turned and beamed at her. “You really are good now! Yes you can help. Carry this.” 

The pair of them worked for an hour or two. Melog did most of the heavy lifting. 

“And I guess this is your room.” Bow said, gesturing to the one they had just finished. 

Catra gazed around. It was nice. It had a good view. But it wasn’t the room she wanted. And Bow could tell. 

“...You don’t have to stay here, Catra. I’m sure you could ask-”

“Nah,” she said, dismissively. “That would seem kinda desperate, wouldn’t it?”

Bow knit his brow. “To want to sleep in the same room as your girlfriend? What? No- Catra. You’re giving me a headache.”

Catra bristled at him. “Well what if she’s used to sleeping without me? I don’t wanna keep her awake!”

“Didn’t you share a bed in the Horde all the time?”

“Well sure, but- how do you know about that?”

Bow laughed at her. “Adora has a reputation around here for not sleeping very well. I bet with you back she’ll actually be able to relax for the first time in years!” He grinned. “Is it true you sleep at the foot of the bed?”

Catra glowered. “The foot of the bed is the best part!”

Bow went into hysterics, and Catra’s anger vanished. She was startled at how quickly it happened. Usually when she got angry, she stayed that way. Sometimes for days. Now, all someone had to do was laugh around her, and she felt normal again.

* * *

The dinner was even smaller than Catra had imagined. More than half the Princesses were simply too tired after the battle to do anything other than fall asleep the second the moon rose. Only Scorpia, Perfuma, Adora, Glimmer, Bow and Catra stayed up. They pushed a table up near a window, and ate something Glimmer had found in the Castle pantry as the sun went down, casting the room into deep shades of gold. Catra fed Melog under the table. 

At first, it was quiet. No one really had anything to say. Catra sat and stared at the table, too afraid to speak, thinking she might say the wrong thing. Scorpia noticed, and kept directing the conversation at her, including her. At first, Catra was furious, then mortified, then thankful. They all laughed and drank as the stars came out.

Adora and Catra sat opposite each other, across the table. Throughout the night they caught each other's eyes. Catra grappled desperately with what it all meant. _What next?_ Adora’s eyes seemed to say. _What do you want next?_

In a moment of daring, Catra reached out with her foot under the table, and dragged it up the back of Adora’s leg. Adora stared, and then subtly retaliated, while trying to pay attention to an extended joke Glimmer was hell-bent on delivering. 

Without really thinking about it, Catra raised the stakes. She found Adora’s knee, and then pushed past it. Her foot twitched up between Adora’s legs. Catra couldn’t really tell how far away she was from anything, but she knew the direction she was going. Adora’s face went noticeably red, but she didn’t say anything, didn’t move. Didn’t push Catra’s foot away. 

“Adora?” Bow said.

“Huh? Yes? What?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I was just asking if you were in for karaoke.”

She shook her head. “Yeah! Sure. Sorry. Just thinking about stuff.”

Catra got up to get another drink.

* * *

The others sang songs that Catra didn’t know, but she had fun listening. Perfuma and Scorpia did a duet, and Adora found Catra’s hand under the blanket over the sofa, and held it tight.

_We're on the right track, I can feel it,  
I came alive the first day that we met.  
I know what everyody’s talking 'bout,  
Wanna say it loud and proud,  
Got me feeling confident. _

Bow and Glimmer both went to bed. Conversations dragged and cycled, and spun in the air like floating gossamer web, and soon enough Catra found that she gravitated to Scorpia again. They sat together while the others washed up. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Scorpia was saying. “It’s just nerves! It’ll pass. Besides, where else would you go? I guess you could go help Entrapta and Hordak with decommissioning the Fright Zone, but that all seems complicated. My advice is just to stick around and see how things go for a while.”

“You’re probably right,” Catra said, and then after a pause: “Hey, Scorpia.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Thanks for being so easy to talk to.”

“All I do is try to listen.”

“Well, you’re good at it. Better than me, anyway.”

Scorpia smiled and grabbed Catra, crushing her in a vice-grip hug. “Easy!” Catra choked in mock pain, playing up how bad it was. She stopped when she realised Scorpia was crying.

“Wh- what did I do?” Catra stammered. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry!”

“No, Catra, look.” Scorpia pointed to her face. “I’m happy! These are happy tears”

Catra eyed the tears and the sobbing suspiciously. “Happy tears? That sounds made up.”

Scorpia hugged her again. “It’s good to have you back, wildcat.”

In the rough embrace of Scorpia’s carapace, it dawned on Catra that she had long inflicted on Scorpia precisely the kind of trauma she had suffered indadvertedly at the hands of Adora. Scorpia had always treated their relationship as important. Catra had not. But Catra had done it on purpose. She hugged Scorpia back.

“I- I never meant to push you away like that. I swear! I was in a bad place, and I knew you really did care about me, but I didn’t- I couldn’t-”

Scorpia interrupted her. “It’s okay, Catra,” she said. “Sometimes you just have bad days.”

* * *

They all went their separate ways. Everyone seemed wiped out, and Catra forgot to ask about the rooms. Before she knew it she was alone in a cold, dark bedroom, and it reminded her of being on Darla for the first time. She screwed up her face and kicked off her covers. She went to the window and looked at the moon dancing on the lake. She could not sleep. 

And again, it reared its head. Catra suddenly felt incredibly stupid. Why was she even here? These people hated her, and she deserved it! She’d hunted them for years!  
She grit her teeth, and the feeling left. Was the panicking and the doubt shorter, this time? Maybe. But what next? 

_What do you want?_

Catra shivered and made up her mind, slipping out of the room and into the corridor. 

Adora stood at her door in a small white pool of candlelight. They stared at each other.

“I was coming to find you,” they both said at the same time. 

Catra grabbed Adora’s shoulders and kissed her as hard as she could. She kissed her until she couldn’t breathe. 

“Ah- come on,” Adora panted, pushing Catra away. “Let’s go back to my room.”

Adora had brought a blanket, and she opened it so Catra could slip inside. Underneath it, Adora wasn’t wearing much. Catra could feel the warmth of her skin, and their knees knocked together climbing the stairs. 

Adora shut her bedroom door behind them, and they fell together into her bed, crawling under the cold sheets, and laying together, face to face. In the dim candlelight, Catra could just see Adora, with her hair down and messy, and her shoulders bare. 

Nothing happened. Even though the bed had warmed, they both shivered, burning feverishly. Catra thought that if there was ever a time to feel afraid, this was it, but she didn’t. Any fear she had ever felt was totally absent.

Catra reached out slowly, and touched Adora’s chest. Adora gasped at the touch of claws, and Catra could feel Adora's heart racing, under the soft curve of her ribs. 

“You’re being stupid again,” Catra whispered in the dark. “Isn’t it obvious? I want you to touch me, Adora.”

Adora touched Catra’s thighs. “I’m just nervous,” she whispered back.

“You’re nervous? I thought I was nervous,” Catra gasped, as Adora’s hands pulled her hips closer. They gingerly traced lines across each other, shuffling closer until their bodies met in the dark. 

“Kiss me,” Adora said, and Catra obliged.

This time it wasn’t so desperate and fast. This time, Catra kissed Adora the way she had always wanted to.

They rolled over together, Adora pinning Catra to the bed.

Catra’s heart hammered in her chest. _If I puke,_ she thought, _I will never live it down._

They stared at each other. “We’re really gonna do this, aren’t we,” Catra breathed.

Adora buried her face in her girlfriend's neck. “I’ve wanted to for so long, Catra. So many nights.” 

Catra laughed. “Keep talking.”

“I used to think about you…” 

“Yeah?”

“While I-”

Catra reached down and pushed her fingertips right where she had been threatening to tease Adora earlier. “Sorry, what are you saying?”

Adora groaned, wet through her pyjamas. “Catra…” she whined. 

“What?” Catra taunted. “Something on your mind?”

Adora grabbed the tattered cotton shirt Catra was using as bedwear and tore it off.

Catra froze. “Oh, fuck,” she said, and Adora lowered her head to nip at Catra’s chest. Their hands coursed across each other. Someone’s foot knocked over the candle. They stopped, giggling, and Adora skipped across the room naked to light another one.

“You ready to keep going?” Adora asked. 

“I don’t think I’m gonna be able to stop,” Catra answered. 

“Good,” Adora straddled the girl, and lifted one of Catra’s legs over her shoulder. The bedsheets fell, forgotten.

Catra pulled her close, and they locked eyes, grinding against each other and sweating in the heat. Their competitive streak started to rush through them, and they coiled around each other in the half-light, both trying to out-do the other, neither really sure what to try, but both carried on a tidal wave of ragged longing.

Catra dipped her head between Adora’s thighs. “Catra…” Adora moaned. Catra’s tongue grazed against Adora’s tender edges, sending thunderbolts surging up her body. Catra watched from below as her girlfriend's eyes rolled shut—she crawled up, wiping her mouth, and switching to using the tips of her fingers again, so she could whisper in Adora’s ear.

“I love you.”

Adora convulsed, mouth open. "Ah!"

She opened her eyes, and reached over to kiss Catra, running her tongue over Catra’s fangs. “I love you more,” she said, and fell back, exhausted.

“What next?” Catra said, tail swishing back and forth.

Adora sat up. “I think you deserve some payback for that stunt you pulled at dinner.”

* * *

When Adora woke up, she found Catra’s face buried in the pillows against her collarbone. She watched her girlfriend's body rise and fall with each breath, and traced a finger down Catra’s spine. She murmured, and her yellow eye blinked, heavy-lidded.

“Good morning,” Adora said. “You sleep okay?”

Catra stretched and yawned. “My whole body hurts,” she said grimly.

Adora stretched her neck. “We should probably take it a little easy next time.”

Catra purred under the covers. “Mm. Next time,” she said. 

Someone knocked on their door, and Catra pulled the sheets around her hastily, glaring at Adora. “Go answer it!” she hissed.

Adora jumped up, panicking. “Who is it?” she called hesitantly, casting around the room wildly looking for clothes. “Don’t come in!” She ended up with pants, one boot, and a robe.

There were muffled voices outside the door. “It’s Bow and Glimmer,” Bow said from out in the hall. “We’ve got some really bad news, Adora.” he sounded upset.

Adora glanced back nervously at Catra, still hiding in the bed, and opened the door a crack to stick her nose through. “What’s going on?”

Bow and Glimmer were still in pyjamas too, and they looked uneasy, concerned. “Guys?” Adora said. “What’s wrong?”

Glimmer winced. “I’m really sorry Adora. We just found Catra’s room… it’s empty. She must have left in the middle of the night.”

Adora laughed in their faces. “Ha! Oh, that’s good.”

Glimmer and Bow looked at each other hesitantly. “Are you okay?” Glimmer asked. “You’re taking this news like, really well.”

“Too well,” Bow said. “What’s going on?”

Adora laughed so hard she snorted. “No, no. Sorry. She’s… around. I’ve seen her. Like, this morning. I really do appreciate you telling me though—I’d be devastated!” she said, still laughing.

“Well, where did you see her?” Bow asked, still confused, and pressing for answers.

“Nowhere!” Adora said, now trying to keep a straight face. “Just around.”

Catra appeared at the crack in the door, scowling. “We’re fine, thank you,” She growled. “We appreciate your concern.” 

Glimmer gasped. “Oh!”

“Yeah, okay. That makes sense,” Bow said, turning to leave. “You two want coffee?” he called over a shoulder.

“Yes please!” Adora shouted down the hall, dropping her gown by mistake.

Glimmer shook her head, trying not to laugh. “I’m so sorry, Catra, I really thought you might have gone!”

Catra smiled slyly. “Nah,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere.” She shut the door.


End file.
